Tuesday, December 6, 2016

Mourning

 I shouldn't write this post.

I shouldn't hit save and then publish.

I shouldn't.

I'm heartbroken at the moment.  Truly heartbroken.  Lubricated a little with some Irish Cream and some dark rum.  So much crying and sobbing tonight.

Hoping truly that this blog has been forgotten  Yet needing.  Needing so much release. I hope these words aren't read, yet need so much to connect to someone who may understand ...but I feel certain there can be no connection..No understanding....

So lonely.  So lonely.  Truly these feelings must be attributed just to me.  

I feel.   Misery loves company...but nobody can feel this...really.   Oh dear lord my heart hurts so.....

My daughter, part of me is so hardened.  I hate her.  Those are the words.  The real words.  I hate her.  I hate her.

Shocking.  A mother. Yes.  A mother.

She truly has done he things to earn that hate...but then in my mind I see the 3 year old little girl..My knees buckle.  I love her so...I love her so..I hate her so..Dear lord...I cry...Help me.

I love this soul that came from my being.  I love her so much. I wanted the world for her..I wanted \everything  for her......  THe whole world..She is so  precious  I don't know ..I just dont know how she got to be the present day....How...I'm sorry.  I'm sorry to her....I'm sorry to the world, I'm sorry to her daughter who of all....deserves a better mother.  I'm so sorry.  I cry, I sob.  It's not enough.  I'm so sorry. I just don't know...




1 comment:

Debbie Quigg said...

Oh I am so sorry for whatever has happened.